


Netflix and Cas

by nelliespector (ilmv)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Dean, Anxiety, Castiel and Netflix, Coping, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode: s11e04 Baby, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, dean negative, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 21:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilmv/pseuds/nelliespector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Family doesn't end in blood, but it sure is a bloody business. When the boys are away on a hunt, you and Cas are left behind to research and deal with the trauma the family business has dealt you both. Set in 11x04.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Netflix and Cas

Sam and Dean were gone on a hunt. Cas had wanted to go with them, but they insisted he stay behind and recuperate. You stayed behind with him so he wouldn't have to be alone, and so you could help with any research they needed. After taking over for Bobby and later Garth, running the hunter information hub for the past few years, you were much better with books, research and lore than you were in action, anyway. You were grateful to the Winchesters for taking you in and letting you run your hub out of the bunker with its massive library. It beat the safehouse you were staying in by a mile.

Cas was eager to help right away, but over the phone the boys once again insisted he take some time to relax. They didn't need you quite yet, so Sam suggested Cas go into his room and watch Netflix. He said his goodbyes to Sam and Dean and put down his phone, looking at you. “Do you know what a Netflix is?” he asked.

You popped some popcorn in the microwave and grabbed some drinks from the fridge. Since Sam and Dean seemed to prefer beer with every meal, you had to make a special trip up to the Gas-N-Sip to get those little glass bottles of soda you liked. You grabbed your snacks and joined Cas in Sam's room. Cas was lounging on Sam's bed, his trenchcoat laying on a nearby chair but otherwise clothed in his suit. You stepped over to the bed, a bit hesitant. “Is it ok if I sit with you?” you asked. Cas nodded, and sat down on the other side of the bed, keeping a bit of space between you. You handed him a bottle of orange soda, which he looked at quizzically. “I wasn't sure what to bring you,” you said. “but I know you like popcorn.” You put the bag of popcorn in the space between you and picked up the remote.

Cas opened the soda and took a sip, squinting and tilting his head as if he were trying to make up his mind about it. “Tastes... very un-orangelike,” he said.

You laughed. “Yeah, it does, but in a good way,” you said. Cas grabbed some of the popcorn and let you deal with the TV. “What are you in the mood to watch?” you asked, flipping through the Netflix menu. You knew to avoid anything violent or upsetting, at least for now. Maybe some animated movies or something G-rated would be best for Cas in his current state. “How about one of these nature programs?”

“Sam has recommended 'The Wire' very highly,” he said. Definitely not G-rated, you thought.

“You know that's a pretty violent show, right?” you asked. You hoped you weren't overstepping your boundaries. Cas was not feeling well, but he didn't need a babysitter telling him what he should and shouldn't watch. You just didn't want anything to give him flashbacks to his recent traumas, you didn't want to see him in pain.

“It's a good story, according to Sam. I'd like to watch it with you,” he said, reassuring you he was fine with R-rated shows. You took a deep breath and loaded up The Wire, Season 1 Episode 1 from the menu. You sipped your soda and watched the show, always keeping an eye on Cas, making sure he was comfortable. After the first episode, Cas was hooked and wanted to watch another. You started discussing the show, what you thought might happen next and which characters you loved or hated. Cas liked Jimmy McNulty, said he reminded him very much of Dean. You had to agree with him there.

Your drinks and snacks long since consumed, you lay next to each other, the gap between you closed. Every time something a little intense or violent happened on the show, you looked over at Cas. “I'm fine,” he finally said after the 10th time you checked in on him. He must have felt your eyes on him. Just after he said this there was an intense fight between 2 characters, punches were being thrown. Cas winced in pain, you could tell he was trying to be strong, trying to hide how much this TV drama was affecting him and triggering his bad memories of being assaulted by Dean. You pressed pause on the TV.

“It's OK, Cas. We don't have to watch this,” you said.

Cas was panicking. “I'm sorry,” he said, trying to calm his breathing. “Please... please don't tell Dean or Sam about this. I'm sorry for disturbing you..” It was just like him to be worried about you rather than himself, worried about his panic attack making you uncomfortable.

“I won't tell them, I promise. You don't have to apologize,” you said. “It's OK to be afraid after what you've been through.”

“I'm not supposed to be afraid,” he said, not wanting to look at you.

“After everything that's happened to you these past few weeks, months, years.. it's only human.”

“But I'm not human,” he said. “I don't want Dean and Sam to think I'm weak. Sam might understand, he's been through worse. But Dean, he wouldn't understand. He'd tell me...” Cas trailed off. “He'd just tell me nobody cares that I'm broken, and I should pull myself together.” Tears formed in his eyes as he looked over at you. “That's what I've been trying to do.”

“Cas, I care about you,” you said, resting your hand on top of his.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your hand in his own warmly. “It was good of you to stay behind and watch over me. I know you would prefer to be hunting with Dean and Sam than be stuck here with me.”

“No, I wanted to stay here with you,” you said.

After dinner you accompanied Cas to the bunker library, and noticed his footsteps slightly halting in the entryway. “If you want to stay out of the library for awhile, I'll understand,” you said, recalling the day you and the boys found Cas lying in a heap in the bunker's library, where Dean had left him, bloody and broken.

“No. I'll be fine. They need my help, and yours, too,” Cas said. His voice was still a little strained from the trauma of the attack dog spell, but he insisted on helping with this hunt in the only way Sam and Dean would allow- research. Dean texted you some of the preliminary details about the case and you and Cas cracked open the lore books and started combing through them until Cas found what they were looking for and how to stop it. All you could do was wait for them to call back, tell you they made it and would be home soon.

“Is it always this difficult?” Cas asked, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders. “Feeling helpless, waiting to hear back?”

“It's the life we were all thrown into,” you said. “All we can do is make the best of it.”

The two of you sat in the drafty library for a few minutes, the eerie hum of ancient electric lights the only thing breaking the silence. You were pretty sure Cas wasn't comfortable here, and to be honest, you weren't either.

This is the place Dean had found you, surrounded by books as usual. He stormed in and threw your books off the table. He called you worthless, a useless hunter who couldn't hunt. He said you were simply taking up space in his life and he wanted you gone. _“Get the hell out of my life, get the hell out of my brother's life. Get the hell out of Cas' life, because he sure as hell doesn't need you!”_ he shouted. He grabbed you roughly by your shoulders and glared at you. _“If I see you back here again, so help me, I will choke the life out of you. Do you understand?”_ The bruises on your shoulders had faded, but you could still hear his threats echo clearly in your mind weeks later. The shock you felt, the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you looked into Dean's eyes and you saw he wasn't possessed when he had threatened you. It wasn't possession, it was pure rage. You knew the words were a side effect of the Mark of Cain, but there was some feeling underlying them, a ring of truth to the way he was letting his anger pour out. You knew you couldn't argue with the Mark of Cain. You had gathered up your things and fled, afraid Dean would cross over to more physical violence to make your unwelcome status more clear. Sadly, it had come to that with Cas. You could still see the faint remains of blood stains on the floor, it was either Cas' blood or the blood of one of the Stynes Dean shot dead. You and Sam were left behind to drag the bodies out of the bunker and burn them.

Either way it was unsettling to be in the library now. This wasn't like being on a case and encountering violence or a creep factor, which was a given in your line of work. This was different. This library was practically your home. A place you once considered your home now was permeated with such a bad energy that it put a knot in your stomach. If you felt that way, Cas must be suffering even worse.

“Do you want to get out of here?” you finally asked, breaking the silence. “We could watch something while we wait to hear back from them.”

Cas got up from his chair. “I thought you would never ask,” he said. You returned to Sam's room and reclaimed your spots on the bed, forgoing the snacks this time around. Cas wanted to save the rest of The Wire for later. This time, Cas let you choose what to watch. You were in the mood for something more lighthearted and cute for a change of pace and after all the heavy stuff you'd both been through lately, so you chose a classic romantic comedy you had seen a million times.

As the movie played, you again kept the corner of your eye on Cas every now and then. He didn't protest this time. You saw him relax a bit and even smile at some of the jokes. You were enjoying the movie, or rather, the sense of comfort and nostalgia it brought you, when Cas took your hand into his. “Thank you for staying with me, Y/N. It hasn't been easy for you lately, I imagine.” The sincerity and concern in his eyes killed you. It was just like Cas to put your feelings before his own, even while he was the one healing from the worst trauma of his life.

“I'll be ok,” you said, fighting back the feelings welling up in your stomach. You put on a brave smile. “I feel safe in here. I feel safe with you.” You felt tears at the threshold of your eyes and Cas pulled you over to him and hugged you. “I'm so sorry,” you cried. “I'm sorry! Damnit. I have no right to cry on you like this.” You pulled away from Cas, embarrassed that you had cried all over his jacket.

“It's alright,” he said. “You're only human. I would have cried if my vessel would allow it, but my energy is being used for healing at the moment. The truth is, I'm scared, too. Physically, I can heal myself. I don't know if I'll ever be me again.” Just then Cas' phone rang. It was Dean. He and Sam were victorious against the _ghoulpires_ and would be heading home soon. You wiped your eyes and face on your sleeve like a child, and steadied your voice, not wanting the boys to know you had experienced a minor meltdown.

“That's great news,” you said over the speakerphone.

“Yeah, well we couldn't have done it without you guys,” Dean said. “So, thanks. We'll be home in a few hours.” Click.

You could tell Dean wanted to make it up to you and Cas. You wanted to let him apologize or make amends in his own way, and you accepted his intentions were good, but you knew it would never feel the same way again. Based on your research, you suspected that the Mark amplified Dean's feelings and removed whatever loose filter he had that kept him from lashing out. It wasn't like being possessed, where something was putting words into his mouth. It was part of him. It meant that some part of him believed what he had said to you. There was a part of Dean that didn't want you around, that hated you. Which meant, there was also a part of him that was so frustrated and angry at Cas that he almost killed him.

If it weren't for Cas, you would have left the bunker and never returned.

You knew Dean and Sam were so wrapped up in one another that didn't have much time for him, and he would never want to show his weakness or ask them for any sort of emotional support. After all, it was Dean who helped put him in his current state. The attack dog spell had done a number on him, sure, but you knew it was something deeper that had him scared. You stayed because you needed Cas, and he needed someone to be there for him. Maybe Dean was right. You weren't much of a hunter, you weren't good for much of anything besides being a nerd who knew the lore. But you couldn't let your friend suffer alone, face to face with the person who had abused him so badly, cursed or not.

Cas set down his phone on the nightstand and un-paused the movie. He draped his arm around you and nodded, inviting you to cuddle up next to him. You accepted his offer and sighed at the warmth of this gesture. You tried to get back into the movie, but it wasn't much use. The stress was returning, as a tightness in your chest strangled you as the minutes ticked away, bringing Dean and the memories he triggered in you closer to home. You lay your head on Cas' shoulder, both of you uncertain how to deal with what family meant in the aftermath, but finding some small comfort in knowing that whatever happened, you'd deal with it together.

**Author's Note:**

> *cuddles Cas protectively* *glares at Dean* don't talk to me or my son ever again


End file.
